Dear Mr. Khan,
Let me congratulate you first on joining the big league (though it happened a year before) of money spinners by exploiting the only religion in India, which has a secular base and fundamentally strong followers totaling a billion plus. Which translates to TRP’s, merchandise revenues, fan followings for other interests and what not!
The little pigeon told me last summer that you made some money and rest assured the world that this time it would not be any different. I heard from the same source that you played this game of crazy delight for some time and add to it you have adequate public speaking capabilities to re-engage, reinforce and rejuvenate the masses. Plus you have a thinker behind you, who is touted as one of the best coach, trainer, philosopher and management thinker the game ever had and has a fancy designation Director of Cricket Operations (like a COO? Beat that any one). Off course surrounded and supported by your Chief Coach, Assistant Coach, Wicket-Keeping Coach, Bowling Coach, Assistant Coach for Strength Training (COO’s Son!), Team Director, Trainer, Physiotherapist, Fielding Coach and save that COO’s or DCO’s (whatever) second son is slated to join the party or company or franchise (whatever) soon and four skippers (who they are?? I watched only one bloke does everything till date?? Where are the rest??).
That surely have augmented your skills of “balanced growth using disruptive practices” (it sounded good and compliments the designations you have in the team- confusing at times like coach and trainer etc etc.) and your ability to mesmerize the Mango public (aam janata- the common stupid’s to be precise) like us! What is so cool about the company, the team, the franchise or whatever this potpourri can be termed as has lovely spices to suit the palette of ego’s that one has who heads the team, little confusing though the bloke who tosses the coin, you or the chief of all operations or the team director or the coaches??
The thinker who is so cool about his origin (save the day I am no racist and I religiously pray to god who did all monkey business to gain my devotion), the culture and the greatness that he is been soaked with till his play days (well last checked, he never played the game though in any levels), which included the greats like Steve, Mark, Ricky, Warne, Glenn, Lee, McGill, Hayden, Gillespie, Andrew to name a few. Phew! I doubt that they ever needed the coach, the COO, the thinker, the Operator etc etc, the balanced scorecards or six thinking hats! And four skipper theory etc etc I doubt. I doubt. And I doubt the credibility and sanctity of the coolness.
Let’s analyze few points to begin with about what you own (only you know, rest like us ogle the stores at shoppers stop, pantaloons and the likes to understand what exactly this is all about):
Functional: Critical to analyze. What is the functional prowess that the cool stuff has? The fancy designations, the star power (off course rest are the lesser mortals), the advertisements, the four something (orgy of thinking and balance), the news bytes or the columns that every broadsheet in the country devotes to whatever you do or your cool stuff does. Players I doubt, save the race, except four rest have no future in any formats as the thinker has brilliantly murdered the functional capabilities with clinical precision in the coolest way.
Practical: Only one in the team or the four or all in team? Huh that’s a question I pose. I mean you never played the Kerry Packer’s day and night circus ever at this level, your cool guy have always been at the dug out taking notes (Save the news print do the revolt or andolan to save the world from global warming, god he uses so many notepads and so much of compute time all causing great danger to the climate), the fancied designations who supports the cool thinker or the rookies who played the best at team Kalighat (Jai ho!) and lot of matches at Stadiums across the nation.
Utilization: What is that? I pose a question again! Who is utilized for what?
Career Progression: None has. Save the three.
Job Clarity: Laugh Out Louder! Dance it out! On Dance take the Chance! The bloke surely is confused, I mean where the three others?! He only tosses and does everything!!!
Attitude: Very very High! High on ego, high on corporate management books led innovations and tactics and strategy
Salary: Fabulous. Paid for no work. Made to sit out. And the cool guys love mates, errr sorry house mates ahh I am doing all wrong, the country mates gets the chance!
Ambition: For the team “Korbo, Lorbo, Harbo Re” (for the cool guy, will do anything to loose), For the cool guy and his supporters “Korbo na, Lorbo na, Harbo na, Khali Tamasha korbo” (for the cool guy, will not do any thing, will not loose anything, will have fun on others wallet)
Potential: What is that?
Happiness: Excuse me elucidate further
Openness to learning: Foursome and more to come
Motivation: As good as the ambition
Relation with supervisor: Sorry can’t gauge that bit dude (sounded like a pep talk)
Decision Making: Four heads plus the cool guy plus the support and overall you, who needs to have that one decision maker
Relation with Colleagues: You must be joking buddy hum ek hain (we all are one), in the dug out, filed huh how do I know its your cool stuff
Loyalty: Paisa hai to sab kuch hai
Business Realties: Merchandise yes, TRP’s I doubt, Advertisements and sponsors (off course Pepsi goes Coke comes all with that great aging calculation in accounts) yes, the crazy delight (the cool stuff yaar) no one knows!
Business Realities Part 2: Rajasthani delicacies and Punjabs Sarson da Saag and Mumbai’s Vada Pav are tasting better than the Rosogolla’s
Future: Khuda Jaane
Initiative and Zeal: Send the doers back home or in oblivion, treat them like shambles and have a group of thinkers to play Cricket 2007 EA Games PC edition.
Mr. Khan I am sure if this small letter reaches you it will not be given any critical acclaim(Sob, Sob) as the thinker may say, gosh that’s not the way to write management pieces and you may feel your ego (or ID) has all it takes to ignore an open letter in this democracy of craziness. Or may find the wake call!
HE HE not the nature one…:D
Yours Truly,
The Possible Owner who missed to Own one Pair of your Socks from the RBK Outlet because of cash crunch and an accountant wife!:((
